Masonry Magazine April 2001 Page. 34
WHEN TEMPERS FLARE
by Richard G. Ensman, Jr.
Picture this scene: Two co-workers, glaring intensely at each other, are debating an office procedure. The debate becomes heated. Soon, voices are raised. The debate turns into an argument and ends only when one of the individuals stalks angrily out of the room.
Anger is not unknown to the workplace. Despite the mantle of professional courtesy that surrounds most places of business, tempers can flare over office procedures, work schedules, supervision or any one of a hundred other issues, especially when the pressure is on and the expectations are high.
You're bound to become angry or become the object of workplace anger at some point. But whatever the cause, whatever the scenario, you can confront anger effectively. Here's how:
Recognize anger.
What are the signs of visible anger or an upcoming outburst? The signs may be obvious, like raised voices or books slammed on a tabletop. But signs may also be less conspicuous: red cheeks, cracked voice, stiff posture and defensive comments may all signal an upcoming confrontation. Recognize these signs, and you'll be better able to deal with the confrontation in a calm and measured manner.
Focus on yourself.
If you find yourself in the middle of a verbal confrontation, you probably won't be able to influence the behavior or actions of the other person. You can only manage your own actions. But if you act skillfully, you can slowly defuse the situation.
Remain calm.
A calm deliberative, even unemotional, demeanor is usually essential when confronting anger. This means that you shouldn't raise your voice or escalate tension in any way. Yes, calmness on your part may trigger an even louder verbal barrage, but it may also set the stage for quiet discussion later on.
Let the other individual exhaust his anger.
If you want to defuse an angry encounter, your first job is to listen. Let the other individual talk - or shout-until he's said all he wants to say.
Keep motives and imperatives out of the discussion.
Nothing deepens an argument more than moralizing. Sentences that begin with "if only you would," "why did you" and "you should" all imply moral and ethical imperatives and place the other individual on the defensive.
Watch your body language.
Body language can defuse angry encounters or deepen them. Avoid slamming your palms down on the table, shaking your head angrily, or making other bodily gestures that signify disgust or disagreement. Maintain an open, attentive posture during the encounter. Nod your head occasionally to signify your understanding of the other person. Your chances of concluding the encounter on a positive tone will dramatically increase if you listen with your entire body.
If you're able to discuss the issue at hand, keep your discussion non-judgmental.
Attempt to show that you understand the position of your partner. Attempt to empathize with his anger, even though you may fundamentally disagree with his position. Statements like "I understand" and "what I hear you saying is..." all help to open lines of communication.
Tune your discussion in to the senses the other individual is using.
People often state their opinions in terms of one or more of the five senses. If the other individual is angry about the inefficiency he "sees," for instance, quietly focus the discussion on what you "see." If he "hears" an unwillingness to adopt important new work schedules, center on what you "hear." If he "tastes" defeat, focus on "taste."
Don't interrupt the other individual with your own views.
By indiscriminately injecting your own views into the discussion, you'll come across as combative and you may well end up deepening the other individual's anger. Let the other individual finish speaking, even if the