Masonry Magazine April 2001 Page. 35
When discussing opinions and feelings, generalize beyond the two of you. "I suppose a lot of people feel this way," you might suggest after listening to a harsh complaint. Or: "I have to admit I've heard problems like this before." By generalizing your thoughts, you're depersonalizing the argument. More important, you're drawing attention away from the immediate issues and placing the discussion in a broader, less emotional, context.
Be sensitive to cultural bias in discussion. In some cultures, sudden shifts of the body may be perceived as aggressive behavior. In still other cultures, explanations that rely on highly technical language may be perceived as aloof or patronizing behavior. Whenever you're confronting an individual with strong ties to an ethnic group, be conscious of ethnic and racial sensitivities.
Use silence to invite candid conversation. As the confrontation nears a close and the other individual is finished expressing his views, you need not offer countering views or even recap the discussion. By maintaining an affirming body posture, coupled with silence, you're inviting the other individual to calmly conclude the discussion or ask you for your comments and thoughts. Once you're invited to participate in the discussion, your comments will often be welcome for the first time.
Don't feel that you must change the other individual's attitudes. Anger is often a symptom of deep-seated disagreements. Even if you're able to turn an angry encounter into a reasoned discussion, you probably won't change the attitudes of your discussion partner. The best end to an angry encounter may well be a clearing of the air and an end to visible anger. At that point, you'll have set the stage for candid discussions later on.
Offer a few hypothetical scenarios for future discussion. Toward the end of the encounter, you might suggest that you're looking forward to discussing the problematic issues further in the future. Or you might suggest a neutral forum for future discussion a staff meeting, a supervisory conference, a period of study. While you don't need agreement on the time and place of future discussion, your willingness to maintain a dialogue will help end the encounter the way you want it ended: on a positive and forward-looking note.
Richard G. Ensman, Jr.'s columns on business and management appear in well over one hundred periodicals across North America.
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MASONRY APRIL, 2001 35