Masonry Magazine April 2002 Page. 31
Uniquely Me
Each of us is different. It is the sum total of life experiences, the meaning we make of those experiences, values and principles, attitudes and beliefs, the roles we play at work and beyond, and our identity.
For Bill, being authentic means balancing work and family success. Much of the tension of Bill's daily decisions centers on how to be available for his daughter, keeping a cordial relationship with his ex-wife, trying to build his own personal life following the divorce, and developing into an executive. The pressures he faces are compounded given the ethics of his work environment.
Ethics, in the most simple sense, are the rules for belonging. Just as each of us has a drive to be ourselves to be authentic so, too, do we yearn to be included. Consequently, our behavior is tempered by what is acceptable for belonging to the relevant group - whether that's your team at work, your neighborhood, your family unit, culture, and so forth.
Bill's association prides itself on product delivery that far exceeds members' expectations. Those who do well there don't watch the clock and are often known for being driven as well as for excellence. Bill, too, has worked very hard to distinguish himself and now leads a department. His staff looks to him to model leadership. His decisions are noted by many outside his department as well.
Now that his daughter is a teenager, has started to challenge house rules, and is talking back, Bill recognizes the limitations of his commitment to work. Just yesterday, the school counselor caught him unaware of his daughter's repeated absences from school.
Bill has a decision to make about working this weekend. To do so, he is considering both his authenticity and the ethics involved in making a decision based on a negotiated resolution of both.
Decisions Made with Integrity
Everyone can have integrity. It is not the privileged domain of a few. Nor is integrity a fixed commodity that once achieved is always present. We often find ourselves acting with integrity in one moment, but struggling for it in the next.
Both big and small decisions involving integrity occur everyday. Like Bill, we are negotiating choices and anticipating the outcome of choosing one option. Making good decisions helps us resolve integrity moments with a sense of being big.
We all also have moments when we make decisions that are inconsistent with what's most important to us, leaving us small. Each moment presents its own particular challenges and opportunities. Just because we may lack integrity in one moment, does not mean we cannot regain it in the next. In this way, big and small experiences intermingle, and resolving integrity moments acknowledges and demonstrates our deepest humanity.
Bill has a tough decision to make. He has decided that to be big, he will not work this weekend. He will spend time with his daughter and hopefully be able to talk about the difficulties she may be having. His next step is to talk with Elizabeth.
How did Bill get to this point? First he slowed down enough to recognize that he is facing an integrity moment. His decision here is essential for how he views himself and what's important to him.
Taking the time out to reflect is not easy. Bill is inundated with e-mails, voice mails, staff requests, deadlines on projects, and all the complexities of his personal life. But Bill rec-
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MASONRY APRIL, 2002 31