Chairman’s Message: SELF TALK

Words: Dick Dentinger

My wife, Sheryl, listens to podcasts often. Sometimes she uses earbuds but also listens through her cellphone speaker as she does countless other things around the house. As a result, very often I have no choice but to listen to the podcasts along with her if I’m in the same room. A few weeks ago, she was listening to a podcast where the host was interviewing an author of a book about “self-talk.” The author was discussing how researchers suggest human beings are constantly thinking and talking in our heads as we go through every minute of every hour of every day. I found the suggestion shocking. The author stated that we say roughly 4,000 words per minute in our heads. He said that means in just one hour, it equates to the number of words in the first three Harry Potter novels. When I heard that, I immediately interjected and started talking to Sheryl about the theory, right as the podcast continued to play. So, in fact, if the author of the theory is correct, I was talking out loud over her podcast, which was also talking out loud to us at the same time, while both my wife and I were also apparently talking in our heads to the tune of 4,000 words per minute. That’s a lot of talking to absorb. And, even trying to write about it now, it seems a bit crowded. I imagine it’s even more difficult for the reader to take in the description of all the talking going on.

Self-talk is a real thing. We all do it. If you don’t believe me, stop for a few minutes and try to turn your brain off. It’s impossible. The sentences just keep on going from one to the next in your brain. I have always been a believer in how important it is to monitor how our self-talk impacts our success in achieving our goals, whether they be personal or professional. For instance, using positive affirmations is a good tool to help reach goals, just as negative affirmations work to drag us down. Positive self-talk versus negative self-talk is a never-ending battle in our trek to achieve. Positive affirmations build up our confidence in whatever it is we are dealing with at the moment. We coach ourselves up, just as a coach, parent, or manager coaches those they are trying to encourage. So, it’s dual policing that must go on if we buy in. We monitor how we self-talk in our heads, as it impacts our performance. But more importantly, we must also monitor how we are impacting those we are working alongside to positively influence their performance.

When I was selling advertising in my previous career, my sales manager sat down with me at the start of my first month and asked me to write down my goal for income that year. We were paid based on straight commission—no salary. Sell a lot and make a lot. So, I wrote down what I thought would be an impressive income to earn. My sales manager smiled, shook her head, and then she crossed it out and raised the number significantly. I remember thinking she was out of her mind and setting me up to fail. But to my surprise, she mapped out how she was going to help. She planned regularly scheduled update meetings. She described how we were going to make a series of mini daily goals, weekly goals, and monthly goals. We would have quick weekly and monthly chats to go over how things were going. She became a cheerleader of sorts for me as she was supporting my attempt to succeed at my job. I was amazed at how the mini goals seemed minor and easy to reach. Achieving those goals made the bigger goals more reachable as the months went by. Sure enough, at the end of the year, I reached the income goal she had set.

Over the subsequent three years, we did the same exercise. I would set my goal, she would raise it, then we’d make plans to achieve the goal. My self-talk became a constant affirmation to positively impact my goals. My manager nurtured a positive sense of support and confidence in me. As a result, I had healthy, positive self-talk going on in my head, cheerleading my self-confidence. I was lucky to have the opportunity in my first job to work for such an impactful manager and company.

Through the decades that followed in my career in construction and managing our business, I have always tried to positively impact everyone who worked with us at our company. One motto I’ve lived by is that we should enjoy going to work. To ensure that happens, it is important to make sure the culture of our companies is a positive and uplifting environment. I misfire often, but I’ve always tried to build that culture, whether it be work, family, or just in my day-to-day interactions with people trudging through the day.

I’m sure some may say this sounds a little bit too much like a “Hallmark movie” way to live. Even so, it matters that our teams and crews are positively influenced by us. We can build up or bring down our culture and our prospects of success. Like mentors and coaches, we as managers can help others enrich their lives, achieve their goals, and overcome their negative self-talk. It is critical for each of us to be aware of how we choose to interact with those around us as it impacts their performance. Especially when their performance impacts our company’s success.

Chairman’s Message: SELF TALK

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